Once every four years, countries collide and colors fly in a battle royale known as the World Cup. Much like we do during the Olympics when ice dancing is on, we Americans temporarily get really into something we usually couldn’t care less about: soccer. Sure, there are a few diehards out there, but the average US citizen cares more about the hotness of footballers than their skill. For the record, I am one of those Americans. The Italian and Spanish teams are smokin’ hot this year! Too bad Spain is already out. I could’ve used a few more weeks of those hombres invading my television screen.
Anyway, the struggle to actively engage in these games can be tough for some of us. I played soccer for eight years and I still struggle to grasp the international rules. Sometimes you just have to bluff your way through. Here are five tips to aid you in bluffing your way through the World Cup.
1. Study the roster of your favorite team and get to know at least three important players.
A little bit goes a long way here. You don’t need to comb the Spanish tabloids to know where Sergio Ramos parties when he’s in Madrid, but you should at least know who Sergio Ramos is if you cheer for Spain. Bonus points go to the people who can pull some obscure statistic about a player out of their vuvuzela. That shows dedication to the task at hand.
2. Learn the national anthem of your team of choice.
If you’re an American and you cheer for USA, this one should be easy for you. Well, unless you’re Christina Aguilera. If you cheer for Argentina because your parents are from Argentina, get them to teach you their anthem or at least whatever custom they have when the team scores a goal. You’ll be so much more credible. If you’re that person who cheers for a team just because you spent a semester abroad in college, well, then you’re out of luck. You don’t live in that country. You have no ties to that country. So why are you cheering for that country?
3. Stay up-to-date on the latest World Cup gossip and scandals.
This shows that you’re as into the World Cup as anyone else at your rando watch party. It is quite easy to learn the latest deets on the world’s most talked about event. There’s this thing called Google. Go to it, type in World Cup scandals, read the headlines, click on said headlines, and voila, you have just learned the latest juice about what’s happening in Brazil. Toss out that info like you’re passing out shots in an LMFAO music video and people will be impressed with your vast knowledge of the world’s favorite sport.
4. Do not bring up Zinedine Zidane’s head-butting incident every time there’s bad blood between players.
If anything, this shows those around you that your knowledge of soccer is limited and that you recycle old storylines to regurgitate in your time of need. Focus on current issues, or if you feel a need to throw out a pop culture reference, quote a line from your favorite sports flick in the perfect moment. This will elicit chuckles and maybe even applause from the hoard. They will like you. You will win.
5. Come kick it with Bacon Sports at the LTS Chicago World Cup Watch Party on Sunday, June 22nd.
We’ll be hanging with the LTS crew at Benchmark once again to cheer on the US Men’s team as they take on pretty boy Cristiano Ronaldo and Portugal. Door open at 3:30PM, and a portion of every ticket sold goes to Urban Initiatives. Sports, beer, charity, yes!
Those are a mere five ways you can up your World Cup watching game and impress the confused viewers around you. When employed correctly, these techniques can make you a god among insects at your next World Cup watch party. Everyone wants to be friends with person who actually knows what he or she is talking about. USA, USA, USA!