The New England Patriots deflated 11 of 12 game balls and now Deflategate is a thing. This story is less about the act of deflating footballs and the effect it has on the outcome of the game and more about the Patriots getting caught cheating once again. That storyline is gonna get talked about ad nauseam so let’s not go there. Instead let’s talk about what’s really at core of all of this, why it’s fun to hate the Patriots.
When word came out that the Patriots were involved in another cheating scandal was there a little sports leprechaun inside of you that jumped into a pot of gold and did a celebration dance like NFL receivers do know when they catch a first down? I know I had one. Sure it doesn’t completely take off the sting of my Steelers not winning the Super Bowl this year, but it was like getting a third bean in my edamame when eating sushi. You’ve gotta enjoy the small things in life, and in the case of the Patriots it’s another thing to enjoy on our never ending quest to hate on the Patriots.
The Patriots are a significantly less likable San Antonio Spurs. Both teams have coaches that would rather smear their face with poo than say two words to the media. Both teams are all about winning and doing so at all costs. For the Spurs it was resting their players during regular season games so they’d be fresh for the playoffs, much to the chagrin of David Stern and the media (stupidly). For the Patriots it’s Spygate and now Deflategate.
The obvious difference is that what the Patriots did was illegal, thus our level of hatred is significantly more. Plus you can throw in the fact that Tim Duncan is a soft spoken, under the radar Hall of Famer (if it’s possible to be an under the radar Hall of Famer) who is more likely to be on a Farmers Only commercial than a Milan fashion shoot runway. Despite the fact that 100 out of 100 men would trade places with Tom Brady in an instant, we all think he’s a pretty boy that sucks and that helps add to the level of hatred (albeit stupidly).
Most of all, the reason we hate the Patriots is because they are at the top and keep on winning. Sure they haven’t won the Super Bowl since 2004 but we all remember their three Super Bowl wins in four years run, they are in the hunt every year, and it always feels the same. They are the top dog that we are all are gunning for. They are like cocky Iceman telling Maverick, “The plaque for the alternates is down in the ladies room.”
Sidenote: if you dig Top Gun then you’ll definitely like my breakdown of the Top Gun Volleyball Scene.
The Nature Boy Ric Flair (WOOO!) so eloquently stated, “to be the man, you’ve gotta beat the man!” The Patriots are the man, and haters gonna hate, ain’ters gonna ain’t.
I assume that Deflategate will even further strengthens Joe Public‘s hatred for the Patriots and have the public rooting for the Seahawks. But be careful what you wish for because another Russell Wilson Super Bowl victory could mean more terrible American Family Insurance commercials and none of us want that. And while we are at it, save your Tom Brady Uggs jokes at your Super Bowl party. They were tired five years ago, they aren’t funny and there’s no originality so nobody wants that either. You sound as lame as Russell Wilson does trying to tell me about achieving my dreams while he’s playing with a football in a crappy warehouse while talking like he watched Rudy too many times.
Send all tips, suggestions, Tom Brady Uggs jokes that don’t suck, and praise to firstname.lastname@example.org.