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Week 7 Fantasy Football Recap through the eyes of the cast of 90210

By October 22, 2013 No Comments
fantasy-football-week-7-recap

fantasy-football-week-7-recapHave you ever thought about what would happen if you combined Carrie Bradshaw with Matthew Berry? Sex and the City meets ESPN? Every week my column will be a comparison between all things pop culture, dating, fashion and football. I’m the commissioner of my all girls fantasy football league where we know our fantasy football, but also watch every game in our high heels and jerseys. This is the world of fantasy football through the eyes of my league.

 

GIRLS WHO LIKE SPORTS = UNICORNS. HELP US FIND UNICORNS

 

For those that don’t know me, know that I have three obsessions in life: fantasy football, my dog Carlito and Beverly Hills 90210 (the original – Obvi!) West Bev had it all. The nerd, the stud, the All-American, and the stuck up queen bee. We witnessed drunk driving, weddings, divorces, deaths, virginity and a protest against the school board. Donna Martin Graduates! Donna Martin Graduates! And this was just in high school!

This week I’m going to dish about what went down in Week 7 of fantasy football through the cast of 90210.

The Stud

Dylan McKay was who girls wanted to date and boys wanted to be. I mean, the guy lived in a hotel and drove a Porshe!

When Val (from my league, not to be confused with Valerie Malone from 90210) had the number one draft pick, there was little doubt she was choosing the best of the best. She was choosing the STUD of the NFL. Adrian Peterson is the best running back in the league hands down (even though the last couple of weeks haven’t been his best). He almost has the same number of touchdowns this season as number of babies mamas. For the record, the score is between 5 and 7 baby mamas (depending on the source) to 6 touchdowns. And Counting. For both.

Sorry Val, when I traded Randall Cobb and Giovani Bernard for AP you had to know you might get screwed. Good idea in theory, but I’m like the John Madden cover of my league. Every time I trade someone, they get hurt. Sorry to Jenna last year when both DMC and Miles Austin went down, but you kinda had that one coming.

The Bitch

Kelly Taylor was the most popular, best looking girl in the whole school. Sure, her mom was an alcoholic and she had an eating disorder, but she was so pretty and fashionable that the other stuff didn’t even matter. When her best friend Brenda left for Paris, she dug her claws into Brenda’s boyfriend. Dylan and Kelly were then the ‘it’ couple. She stole Brenda’s love and it broke Brenda’s heart.

When Mike Tolbert and Roy Helu Jr. stole the goal line carries from our fantasy starters, we were broken hearted too! For our players to get carries down the field just to have their backup score touchdowns is like seeing Justin Bieber at strip clubs with his shirt off all the time. It’s just wrong and we don’t want to see this anymore!

The Oldies

Andrea Zuckerman, editor of the school newspaper and class valedictorian, looked pretty old for her age. Well, maybe that’s because the actress was 30 years old playing an 18 year old! And this was all pre-Botox. With her oversized glasses, animal print vests and an awesome 90’s perm, she didn’t really fit in at first. But low and behold, after becoming friends with Brandon, she was eating mega burgers at the Peach Pit with the crew in no time.

When drafting our fantasy players, age definitely played a role. How fast could they be? Would they get injured? How will they do in our lineups?

Did they get drafted in the first two rounds? No! But, you better believe they are helping our teams.

Guys like Frank Gore and Fred Jackson have proven they are still studs! Sure, his picture on Yahoo Sports looks like a mug shot, but Gore was in full force against the Titans scoring two touchdowns. Remember when everyone (and by everyone, I mean you and me) was so high on CJ Spiller during this last offseason? Poor Fred Jackson was probably sitting in the coach’s meetings with his hand up saying ‘Hey guys what about me?’ Maybe they listened! Jackson has 5 touchdowns compared to Spiller’s 1. And like all of your leagues, Fred Jackson was drafted way later then CJ. Even Peyton Hills scored a touchdown! Remember him?

Thanks Old guys! Here’s to drafting Willis McGahee early next year!

The Good… The Colts

We’ve been waiting all season for the showdown between Peyton Manning and his former team. I would have actually rather watched this game over again on Monday then have painfully watched the Vikings vs. the Giants. Seeing the standing ovation Peyton got by beloved Indy fans, you can’t help feeling like this is what football is all about.That is until we saw that Luck was on the Colts side. Literally! He produced his best fantasy day, a win over the undefeated Broncos and can now put to rest the whole ‘If the Colts had to pick again, would they have chosen Rg3 or Luck?’ because we know the answer.

The Bad…Quarterbacks

It’s a sad day when your stud quarterbacks can’t get more then 15 points. Tom Brady, Cam Newton and Tony Romo all had terrible fantasy days. And poor Nicole decided to put in Jay Cutler instead of Kaepernick. She did not anticipate getting negative points! It was such a bad day, we saw Matt Barkley replacing Nick Foles. Wow, never thought that sentence would come out of my mouth!

The Ugly…The Eagles

This team is like my last boyfriend. Started off great, then went way downhill. Then, went up, then went down. Up then down. Exhausted yet? I feel you, Phily fans! Needless to say, I couldn’t handle it and broke up with him. Over text message.

Advice: Chip Kelly, when you look at your phone and see that text from Jeffrey Lurie that says ‘it’s not you it’s me even though really it’s you’, you might be getting the ol’ heave ho!

Here’s to Week 8…

-The Commish

Don’t forget to check out Lisa on Twitter @wildcatlisadyan

 

BACON, SPORTS, BEER, POP-A-SHOT, NERF GAMES, DJ. THE GREATEST EVENT EVER!

 

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