Sports

My pledge to the Pittsburgh Pirates for the next six games

By September 28, 2012 No Comments

My beloved Pittsburgh Pirates are on the cusp of a record 20th consecutive losing season. They currently stand at 76-80 with 6 games remaining. In order for them to not have a losing record they’ll have to go 5-1 in those games. Who are those games against? The division leading and fighting for the best record in the NL Cincinnati Reds and the leading the Wild Card Atlanta Braves. The Pirates have been nothing short of a Milton Bradley disaster in the second half of the season and seem as likely to win 5 of their next 6 games as Rae Carruth has at starting at WR for the Carolina Panthers this Sunday. Sometimes miracles do happen…like the 1980 USA Olympic Hockey team…or like the Orlando Magic winning the number one overall pick in consecutive seasons…or even like the Buffalo Bills coming back from a 28-3 halftime deficit in the 1993 AFC Wildcard game to win. It’s going to take a miracle of those proportions for the Buccos to win 5 of their next 6. In order to try and add a little bit more good karma to this situation I will pledge to run a marathon before the start of the next baseball season if the Pirates do indeed win 5 of their next 6 games. Note: I’ve never run a marathon, I have no desire to run a marathon, nor do I went to spend the time it takes to train for a marathon. So the ball is in your court Pittsburgh Pirates. I hope that I get to play this Bucco’s Win video staring dancing pierogies five more times. Lets go Buccos!

Even though I’ll be rooting for the Pirates to win these final few games there’s a much better chance that they’ll go 0-6 and really end the year in a Len Bias OD’ing on coke tailspin. Because they have put me through so much pain this second half of the season as well as the last 20 years I feel that it is only right that I am somehow rewarded or compensated in the event that they do lose these next 6 games. So that I can make good out of a horrible situation I’ll dangle a little carrot in front of myself. I dig unique, vintage, and random sports memorabilia that very few people have and think that a replica Masters Green Jacket would be a great addition to my collection. I’m hoping that this will cost $200 or less as I haven’t really looked into buying something like this before. Any time I would wear it, and most certainly get dap from other people, I’d then have to tell them the back story about how the Pirates lost their final six games of the 2012 season and this is what I had to show for it. Do I want this to happen? No, but I’m a gambler so I know when to hedge my bets.

So there you have it sports fans. This is how someone who actually roots for the Pittsburgh Pirates handles the final week of the baseball season. Who needs football when you can have excitement like this!

Rob Cressy

Rob Cressy

Sports loving free throw specialist and yinzer living in Chicago who is awesome most of the time, has run with the bulls in Spain, and is a graduate of Second City's Improv program.