Sports

The Best Name Ever

By March 6, 2012 No Comments

Take a look at this gem of a name by Georgia Tech offensive lineman Shaq Mason. His full name is Shaquille Olajuwon Mason. That is freaking bad ass. Apparently his Mom was a big hoops fan and liked the way that Shaq and Hakeem played so she named her son after them (no joke, here’s the proof). I don’t know if I’m more impressed by the name or the fact that it was his Mom, not his Dad, that came up with this. This Shaq didn’t grow up to play hoops like his Momma would have liked but he’s still playing D-1 football. Not too shabby.

The combo of Shaquille and Olajuwon has to be one of the better duo of names that could possibly be put together. Here’s a list of some other possibilities that I’ll be considering for my future child.

  • Lin Tebow – a combo of Jeremy Lin and Tim Tebow. This child could cure cancer, walk on water, speak seventeen languages, end poverty in Africa, and know what was in the briefcase in Ronin all while playing professional sports.
  • Brady Manning – a combo of Tom Brady and Peyton Manning. This child would be a part time model, part time greatest quarterback ever.
  • Dominique Ham – a combo of The Human Highlight Film¬†and Darvin Hamm. This child would break backboards like they were wheat thins.
  • Jeter Mayer – a combo of Derek Jeter and John Mayer. This child would grow up to bang the hottest women alive because he can.
  • Gus Albert – a combo of Gus Johnson and Marv Albert. This child WOULD GET REALLY EXCITED ALL THE TIME AND BARELY BE ABLE TO CONTAIN HIMESELF….OH MY GOD!!!!!!!

Those that just didn’t quite make the list:

  • Latrell Phillips – a combo of Latrell Sprewell and Lawrence Phillips. This child couldn’t get by with just making $97 million for his career because he’s got to “feed his family”. He would have a huge temper and would need to stay away from coaches and cars.
  • Rae Hurd – a combo of Rae Carruth and Sam Hurd. This child would be in jail by the age of 12.
  • Oden Bowie – a combo of Greg Oden and Sam Bowie. This child would come out of the womb injured.
  • Rex Wuerfell – a combo of Rex Grossman and Danny Wurefell. This child would be great in college and a turd in the NFL. He’d also have a Steve Spurrier tattoo.
  • Dan Dave – a combo of Dan and Dave from the Reebok commercial for the 92′ Olympics. This child would have the potential to do great things but when it comes time for him to shine he’d perform as well as a Geo Metro.
  • Kobe Roethlisberger – a combo of the Black Mamba and Big Ben. This child would…errr…really have to learn the word No.
  • Barry Clemens – a combo of Barry Bonds and Roger Clemens. This child would end up looking like this.
Rob Cressy

Rob Cressy

Sports loving free throw specialist and yinzer living in Chicago who is awesome most of the time, has run with the bulls in Spain, and is a graduate of Second City's Improv program.