Best. Lie. Ever. – Georgia’s Bacarri Rambo

By March 29, 2012June 18th, 2018No Comments

It just came out that Georgia Bulldog’s All American Safety Bacarri Rambo has been suspended four games for failing a drug test (according to his High School coach). How this happened has to go down as one of the greatest excuses in the history of sports (if not the world). According to his coach (Alan Ingram), “Bacarri went down to Panama City Beach with some friends…one of the nights he went to bed before they did. He got up the next morning, was hungry and found some brownies on the table. He had some with some milk and told me, ‘I got high.’ The other guys got up and told him that the brownies were not for him. Apparently they were laced with marijuana”. The coach then said, “I think that is the story. I think that is exactly what happened.”

Lets try and reenact this scenario so that we have a clear picture of how this really went down. It’s the end of March which is prime Spring Break season so Bacarri Rambo and some friends decided that they’d like to take their talents down to Panama City. While down there one night Bacarri decides that he’s going to head home early to get some shut eye. He is a football player and all so sleep is very important for a growing boy. When he wakes up in the morning his tummy is rumbling and he needs something to eat NOW! He looks around and all that he sees is beer, liquor, cigarette butts, trash, women’s panties, and brownies. He decides that it seems perfectly normal to have baked goods on Spring Break so he decides to eat some of the brownies. Because Bacarri and his friends are civilized they decided to stock their mini fridge/bathtub with milk so that they could have cereal in the morning. Luckily for Bacarri he can use this milk to wash the delicious brownies down. When Bacarri’s friend wake up in the morning they tell the All American that the marijuana laced brownies weren’t meant for him. Got it.

I’ve been to Panama City for Spring Break so here’s how I believe this probably went down. Bacarri and his friends all piled into some Escalade that he’s “borrowing” from some booster. They get to Panama City and decide to do what normal college kids do…get wasted. Bacarri was the first home at 6 am because he was entertaining a lucky lady. Because he wanted to keep the party going he and his lady friend decided to smoke some of the sticky icky that they brought from campus. There is a small chance that there actually were pot brownies there but that would take a good amount of planning and most college kids aren’t willing to put in that much effort. There is zero chance that there was ever milk in that room. I don’t take football players as the type to drink white Russians and I don’t believe that Panama City actually has a grocery store…only liquor stores. From there Bacarri kept the partying going for the rest of the week and had the time of his life.

Which of those two scenarios seems more likely? It’s good to know that if you ever had Coach Ingram as a teacher that you could use “the dog at my homework” or “aliens abducted me from outer space and that’s what caused me to be late” excuses.


Rob Cressy

Rob Cressy

Sports loving free throw specialist and yinzer living in Chicago who is awesome most of the time, has run with the bulls in Spain, and is a graduate of Second City's Improv program.