One again we are going to class it up by digging through cards that were in a protective case. I feel more ashamed about thinking that these cards could be worth something one day than the fact that I’ve seen both Limp Bizkit and Vertical Horizon in concert.
1. Eric Metcalf, 90′ Topps “Topps Super Rookie” – He was one of the few players in the last 20 years to have “Cleveland Browns – Pro Bowler” listed next to his name. We all know that Metcalf was deadly as a kick/punt returner. What you probably didn’t know was that he was traded along with two first round picks and a second round pick by the San Diego Chargers to Arizona so that the Chargers could move up one slot to take the franchise quarterback of their dreams….Ryan Leaf.
2. Kyle Abbott, 92′ Upper Deck “Star Rookie” – He is not the pitcher that had one hand and threw a no hitter though he probably wishes that he was. This Abbott was a dumpster fire in every sense of the phrase. In his four major league seasons he went 4-17 with a 5.20 ERA and 1.53 WHIP. This includes going 1-14 in 92′ with the Phillies. This shouldn’t have been a shock to anyone. The back of his card says “…he went 6-9 with a 4.14 ERA for Double A Midland” as well as this gem (when talking about how the Pacific Coast League is a tough place to pitch), “…where he finished 1990 with a lofty 14.81 ERA in three games, but don’t let that fool you”. Apparently the Angles and Phillies were fooled by his almost 15 ERA in the minors but Major League hitters weren’t.
3. Chris Hakel, 92′ Upper Deck “Star Rookie” – Apparently Upper Deck’s interpretation of the term “Star Rookie” is vastly different than what the rest of the world thinks that term means. Hakel was a fourth round pick by the Redskins out of football powerhouse “The College of William and Mary”. He never made an NFL squad despite (according to the back of his card) “…the ability to throw long and hit his receiver at full stride”. Great, taking credit for shit he’s supposed to do as a quarterback. There is nothing else to say about this “Star Rookie”.
4. Morten Anderson, 91′ Pinnacle – This could be one of the worst cards I’ve ever owned. I think I would rather have a checklist or coaches card. Ugh.
5. Lloyd Daniels, 93′ Upper Deck “NBA Top Prospects” – The back of this card tells us that “Lloyd Daniels and Moses Malone are the only active NBA players to go directly to the NBA without attending college”. That’s impressive. What is not impressive is that he couldn’t read above a third grade level and was arrested for buying crack. Rut ro.
6. Bobby Humphrey, 89′ Topps – This card has to go in the Flat Top Hall of Fame. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air would be proud. Unfortunately Bobby’s haircut was the only thing that he had going for him because he is what you would call “a dumb athlete”. He was money while playing at Alabama and the Broncos took him in the first round of the supplemental draft in 89′. He rushed for over 1,150 yards and 7 TD’s his rookie year as the Broncos made it to the Super Bowl (they lost). He followed this stellar season up by running for 1,200 yards and earning his first Pro Bowl appearance. Bobby wanted to get his so he decided to hold out for more money the next year. The Broncos called his bluff and he didn’t end his holdout until week 14. When he came back he was out of shape (great call on this one Bobby) and he was no longer the starter. The Broncos got rid of him at the end of the season and he was out of the NFL within a year. Humphrey is now a salesmen for Ready Mix USA.