The NFL Draft is on Thursday and we are tired of seeing the same worn out mock drafts. Aside from a few players pulling a Deuce Davenport in their hotel room at the combine, not much has happened to really effect players draft stock. That’s why we’ve decided to spice things up and give you something that is long overdo, an all female on-air sports personality mock draft. That’s right, a draft consisting of nothing but female sports anchors, sideline reporters, and anything in between.
The format is pretty simple, 6 rounds with 4 Bacon Sports writers, and it is up to the discretion of the team owner to figure out their strategy for drafting their team and what matters to them. This is not a who is the hottest female sideline reporter draft. Instead this is a mock draft that takes everything into consideration as to what makes a sports anchor or sideline reporter good and worthy of our attention.
We’ll give you the draft results and then each teams strategy and logic for why they selected the female anchors and sideline reporters that they did. In the comments let us know which team you think drafted the best and worst.
Like all good teams, my championship team is going to be built through the draft. My first round pick will be a superstar who can carry the load on her shoulders but is also a fantastic teammate. After that I am looking for a mix of up and comers with budding potential and solid rocks with experience who will be a real presence in the locker room. I am not distracted by the media hype and will pick the hotties in the order they are on my big board. Lastly, I am looking for a project pick that I can stash away on the bench and groom to be a future superstar like Tom Brady. I feel that if I stick to my strategy and take the best available player I will set myself up to build a world class team.
Round 1 – Erin Andrews
Who else? The reason we are doing this draft is because of her. She brought back the smoking hot and male obsession to sideline reporters. She is the Mike Trout 5 tool anchor/reporter and can be likened to John Elway and Andrew Luck in that she is a can’t miss, sure fire, once in a lifetime superstar. You cannot and will not win titles without a superstar and Andrews will be my Michael Jordan, except I am not taking Sam Bowie ahead of her. Not to be overlooked is her experience as she has proven to work with everyone and unlike Brett Favre will serve as a great influence and mentor to her teammates. My shrine is built around Erin Andrews.
Round 2 – Allie Laforce
Allie Laforce, at pick 8, some may call it a reach. With a strong combine showing at the NCAA Tournament, I have no problem making the former Miss Teen Ohio my second pick. She is up and coming and no doubt will be a perennial prime time performer for years to come. She will be the Russell Westbrook to Erin Andrews’ Kevin Durrant. Having played basketball at Ohio University, she has the experience and penchant for the game that few other reporters share. This is a perfect choice as she is a sideline goddess and will not get in the way of the number 1 pick, EA. Your favorite part of the day is going to be when EA sits in the studio and turns it over to this sideline smoke show.
Round 3 – Lindsay Czarniak
She is a fast riser on my big board and in the industry. Like all of the anchors and reporters she is easy on the eyes and I would have married her yesterday if I could have. She is a budding startwho has the star power and an unlimited ceiling as she will be a force for years to come. Czarniak will prove a great pick in the 3rd round (Joe Montana, Curtis Martin) who is more than capable as a second option and will be well groomed to take over the lead role when Erin Andrews steps down to nurture my babies.
Round 4 – Adriana Monsalve
Easy selection. Have to have a well-rounded squad and none better to capture worldliness than the ESPN Deportes’ Monsalve. She is smoking hot, talks with a sexy accent and her experience makes it easy to envision a productive starting role from day 1. No question she has the personality to create chemistry on my well-oiled squad.
Round 5 – Hannah Storm
Absolute value pick in the 5th round. Hanna brings the hammer and is a veteran of the trade having hosted Sportscenter Sunday for 5 years running and is mainstay on NBA Finals coverage. You cannot have a better teammate on your squad than Hannah who has the looks, experience, and is more than well regarded in the industry. Hannah is the glue of the squad who brings a steady and hot presence during tough times. You cannot tell me you have not had thoughts of her and would not want her on your team. Strong consideration for Rachel Nichols here, but Storm won the coin toss.
Round 6 – Laura McKeeman
Ms. Irrelevant, Ms. Florida and 2012 and hopefully Mrs. Tom Hamm someday. No way denying she is hotter than FGCU’s run in the tournament. Despite being newer on the scene she has already proven her diversity with Fox Sports covering Big 12 football, Pac 12 basketball, and Tampa Bay Rays. This is my project pick as she is the type that no doubt has the looks and skill set to become a superstat and will be well served being able to sit on the sideline and learn from the best in the business. See Rodgers, Aaron.
While scouting potential draft prospects, I knew I had some serious work to do if my squad was going to be competitive this season. I tried to build a well rounded team with connections to each of the 4 major US sports focusing first on pro sports and using collegiate experience as bonus talent. When trying to make a final roster, the more you can do for your team, the better the chance.
Round 1 – Charissa Thompson
My scouting department first saw tape of Charissa when she was doing sideline work for Big Ten Network. She quickly moved up the career ranks and now hosts SportsNation on ESPN with Marcellus Wiley. She’s got well rounded sports knowledge in each of the big four sports and is always quick with a witty comeback whether against a celebrity guest on SportsNation or with pro athletes. Charissa brings it on a daily basis with consistent performance and you can’t ask for anything more from a first round pick.
Round 2 – Molly Qerim
Molly has been reporting on the UFC since 2007 so you know she’s knows how to handle herself in this business. Her grit and determination has quickly raised her through the reporting ranks and she’s now airing on NFL Network 4 days a week in addition to starring in millions of sports fans dreams 7 days a week. She’s covered the NCAA tournament, national signing day in College Football and even the US Open. It’s her well rounded skillset and traffic stopping good looks that makes her my second pick. Another 5 tool player to add to my roster, not bad.
Round 3 – Melissa Stark
Miss Stark has been in the game since the year 2000 when at age 26 she cut her teeth as the Monday Night Football sideline reporter. In addition to being related to Iron Man she’ll bring just the right type of veteran leadership and presence to an otherwise young squad for team Macksood. Don’t let her beautiful looks fool you, she knows all the crafty veteran moves and has played in the most ruthless arena’s around the country during her career.
Round 4 – Cassidy Hubbarth
Hubba Hubbarth first joined ESPN 3 years ago as a digital correspondent, but now is the weekend host of SportsNation and also covers college basketball, football and some NBA games. To say she’s a baller would be selling her short. She’s still somewhat of an enigma, but her raw talent and beauty make her a great developmental pick. She’s from the Windy City so you know she’s got street smarts and most likely a wicked jump shot. Every team needs a solid point guard, and that’s exactly the role she’ll fill on this broadcasting team.
Round 5 – Kristina Akra
This smoke bomb may be the most complete reporter on my squad. She’s covered MLS, been a reporter for Kraft Sports Productions (Patriots Owners’ Network), covered SEC Football, and now she’s a regular on MLB Network. She’s a graduate of Florida and was a four year member of the Florida “Dazzler” Dance team. She definitely dazzled my team scouts and we can’t be any happier to have her on the team.
Round 6 – Kathryn Tappen
Greasy Mullets and missing teeth. That’s what Tappen has to deal with on a daily basis as a reporter and host on the NHL Network. She represents the missing NHL piece of my network team and will be looked at to be the locker room glue and provide more veteran leadership. She ran track and cross country at Rutgers so she’s used to competitive situations and earning playing time. Our staff will be expecting that from the gorgeous veteran.
My strategy is to build a well rounded team that has no deficiencies and find value where others may not see it. I’m drafting this team as if I were building a network and need to fill certain positions in order to ensure that we were the undisputed leader and have everything covered. How often someone will be on TV is a big deciding factor. Hotness is just one of many things to consider but most certainly is not the end all be all. Relying on building a team just on hotness is like drafting a fantasy baseball team that only hits home runs. That’s not going to work.
Round 1 – Michelle Beadle
She is a five tool star that’s got the looks, credibility, versatility, humor, and social skills needed to be the leader of my team. Plus, she doesn’t feel intimidating and you can picture yourself having a beer and playing credit card roulette with her. She’s a high character locker room gal who spent time hosting ESPN’s Sports Nation (before Charissa Thompson who was actually selected before her – which makes no sense) and was a big time free agent acquisition by NBC Sports. That led her to doing morning studio coverage of the Olympics as well as hosting the Crossover. She brings a sense of humor that is unmatched and I believe she will only get better.
Round 2 – Ines Sainz
When you can cover the Super Bowl and the number one story coming out of media day is Ines Sainz, not anything dealing with football or the players, then you’ve got a big time Superstar. On the surface this seems to be strictly a looks based selection but that’s not totally the case. Really hot women can get access to things that regular people just can’t. This was evident in 08′ by Sainz being the only one to be able to land an exclusive interview with Terrell Owens when he wasn’t doing interviews with anyone else. This shows that she’s got untapped potential and we are going to exploit that by having her landing the best interviews. Since Michelle Beadle has experience with Sports Nation and the Crossover she’ll help mentor Ines in becoming more of a sports personality instead of the nice eye candy that most sports fans think she is.
On top of that, because she works international games/matches that’ll allow us to dominate soccer/World Cup coverage and because she’s got boxing experience we can hopefully transition her do some coverage of the UFC (which is yet to see much of a female presence but you know their fans would gobble it up).
Round 3 – Sage Steele
My squad needed an in studio anchor and I wanted to go with youth over experience. Steele is hip, credible, and consistent. Drafting her is like drafting Roddy White. She might not be Megatron but she is damn good and still has room to grow.
Round 4 – Stephania Bell
This could be my favorite pick of the draft. She is the Bruce Bowen of female on-air personalities as she’s a specialist who has carved out a niche for herself by breaking down injuries. This is huge for both fantasy sports, gambling, as well as helping us regular Joe’s understand what is actually going on when Beanie Wells has turf toe. Her credibility is unmatched, she’s a regular on the Fantasy Focus podcast (shout out to the 06010) and is quirky fun. She’ll be another great locker room gal and gives our squad an advantage that no one else has.
Round 5 – Alex Flanagan
Flanagan is like the Pau Gasol of this draft. Some may think that she’s past her prime (she’s 39), but her experience, time on camera, and stunning looks allow her to be just as effective now as she was 5 years ago. She’s a welcomed sight on both NFL Network and on the sidelines at NBC Sunday Night Football and Notre Dame games, and since football is king this is huge. She’ll be getting significantly more time on camera than someone like Jenn Brown, who was drafted three rounds before her, and has much more credibility due to her experience (she’s also covered the Olympics). Like Julie Bowen from Modern Family/Happy Gilmore, she keeps getting better with age.
Round 6 – Doris Burke
You can’t have a complete squad without having someone in the booth calling games. Most of the time people assume it’s Pam Ward doing the play-by-play when they hear a female voice but more often than not it’s actually Doris Burke. She does a great job with the NBA and can do both analysis plus sideline reporting. No one else drafted someone to call games so this could wind up being the steal of the draft.
My draft strategy is not to draft based upon looks, alone. There had to be some substance to her, as well. Mainly, I looked for three things. One, if she is on TV or the radio would I listen to what she had to say? Two, does she appear to be manufactured by a network or does she appear intelligent? Finally, in my opinion, will these reporters stand the test of time? If all three of the answers were, yes, then she moved into consideration.
Round 1 – Samantha Ponder
You may know her better as Samantha Steele. She has only been in the business for four years, but you really cannot tell. She has risen through the ranks at ESPN/ABC, rather quickly, thanks to her energetic personality and down-home good looks. Honestly, I cannot believe she fell to me at #4. On top of everything else, she even appears to have a better arm than her husband, Vikings QB Christian Ponder. (At least Percy Harvin thinks so.)
Round 2 – Jenn Brown
Jenn could have easily been a first round pick, but fell all the way to Round 2. She not only has stunning looks, but is also intelligent and an accomplished athlete herself. She was quite an overachiever lettering in 14 sports in HS and was captain of the University of Florida softball team, all the while graduating summa cum laude. She’s even a switch hitter (not the fun kind, apparently). You really can’t go wrong with her as a 2nd Round selection.
Round 3 – Heidi Watney
If the last name looks familiar, it should. This is PGA pro Nick Watney’s cousin. Prior to joining the MLB Network last year, she was not well known outside of the New England area, but she is definitely making a name for herself, now. Not only, has she done sideline reporting, but she has also hosted her own sports talk radio show. She is confident, intelligent, and remarkably attractive. She will definitely be making her way up the list over the next few years.
Round 4 – Suzy Kolber
You might be saying to yourself, Suzy Kolber? She’s almost old enough to be my mom! Well, depending on who you are, you could be right. At 48 years old, she is the oldest person drafted; however, she is one of the best. She has been working at in the industry for over 25 years and has numerous credits to her name. She has not only been an NFL sideline reporter, but has also done tennis, horse racing, NASCAR, anchored SportsCenter, and of course, has been propositioned by Joe Namath. On top of all that, she looks cute with that short hair.
Round 5 – Jamie Maggio
Jamie, like my other draft picks, is very versatile. She has covered the NFL, NBA, NCAA Basketball, and the MLB. Another element to her game is that he hosts a fantasy football show in the NFL Network. Not too many women, if any, can say that. Another great attribute that she has is her looks. She resembles Scarlett Johansen and looks realistic, not like she’s had massive amounts of plastic surgery.
Round 6 – Bonnie Bernstein
Bonnie is the steal of the entire draft, in my opinion. She is also a little older than most of the draftees, at 43, but is very easy on the eyes. She has done everything over the course of her career: MLB, NFL, NCAA Basketball, national radio, and high-profile cable sports shows on ESPN, CNN, FOX etc. Dan Patrick even lets her guest host his show. Call me sexist, but most times, I cannot listen to a woman doing a sports talk radio show. She is the exception. She has always been a legitimate sports journalist, just ask Roy Williams.
We want to hear from you. Which squad do you think did the best? How about the worst? Did anyone reach for picks or do you think that we missed someone (like Rachel Nichols who went undrafted)? Holla at us in the comments.
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