Football vs. Awesome 80’s Movies

By November 27, 2013June 18th, 2018No Comments

football-and-80s-moviesHave you ever thought about what would happen if you combined Carrie Bradshaw with Matthew Berry? Sex and the City meets ESPN? Every week my column will be a comparison between all things pop culture, dating, fashion and football. I’m the commissioner of my all girls fantasy football league where we know our fantasy football, but also watch every game in our high heels and jerseys. This is the world of fantasy football through the eyes of my league. You can follow Lisa on Twitter @wildcatlisadyan.

As a child of the 80’s my favorite things were scrunchies, bright pink nail polish and totally awesome movies! I always wanted to find a boyfriend who fawned after me like in Can’t Buy Me Love or skip school and attend a parade like Ferris Bueller. This week I compare football to some of the best 80’s movies ever made.

Dirty Dancing/Falling in Love:

Just like Baby Houseman, my parents took my sister and me on a summer vacation to Ixtapa, Mexico. There were activities, families and plenty of dancing. We all envied Baby because of her spunk and wits and even though she wasn’t that gorgeous with her permed hair and snorting laugh, she managed to snag Johnny. My dream was to find the gorgeous dance instructor who would sweep me off my feet. Unfortunately, this didn’t happen. Instead, the car wash guy at the hotel ended up liking me and we had our summer fling. Johnny was like Drew Brees and I got stuck with Matt Ryan. Raul, you may have had your bright moments and you were a great car washer, but ultimately it was not a love connection.

This week, Jenna officially fell in love with Jamaal Charles. He has been one of the best running backs all year for her and this week he put Jenna in the playoffs. She is now signing her name Jenna Charles and believes him to be her fantasy football soul mate. Nobody puts Jamaal in a corner!

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off/Taking a Snooze

How many of us decided to ditch a day at school after watching young Ferris do it? My problem was that the school called my Mom, I got yelled at and got grounded like most high school kids do. What kid goes to a country club, a parade and drives around in a Ferrari? He does all of this with his girlfriend and weird sidekick friend Cameron. Cameron is like Eli Manning, always being compared to the stud. He’s not so cool, mildly weird-looking, and if you Google what Cameron looks like now, you will notice that he closely resembles Eli.

Taking the day off were the defenses that have been great all season. Luckily, Jessica played her Chicago defense against Meigan’s Kansas City defense. Who knew both would get negative points? At least you both sucked together.

Can’t Buy Me Love/Taking a Risk

It went all downhill for the popular Cindy when she spilled red wine on her mother’s white suede outfit at a party. After finding out that she can’t afford a new outfit, the nerd that mows her lawn, Ronald, buys her a new outfit in exchange for having Cindy as a girlfriend. With all of the lies, deceit and bribery, Ronald is like the Lance Armstrong of movie characters. Yet, somehow they end up in love on the back of his lawn mower. This is more ridiculous than seeing Miley Cyrus perform at the American Music Awards in front of a giant lip synching cat. No, that’s not an exaggeration or me drinking too much from drowning my sorrows after a horrible fantasy day.

Taking a risk was the Patriots coach Bill Belichick. After winning the coin toss in overtime, he opted to give the ball to Denver. Belichick is always a risk taker. Maybe that’s why he is always frowning. Fear not, Bill, you can come to our next Botox party!

The Good, The Bad and The Ugly from Week 12

The Good – the Chargers

If you’ve been a fan of the Chargers through the years you have had more ups and downs then Lindsay Lohan’s sobriety. Just like Lindsay, the Chargers are back on track and came out with a great win against the Chiefs.

The Bad – the Giants

It’s never a good thing when there is a fight between the G-Men and Dallas before the game even starts. This was a close one with Dallas winning a last-minute field goal. But, all of the smack talking leading up to the game was pretty amusing. Even Giants Cornerback Terrell Thomas guaranteed a win prior to the game. Terrell, I guess I won’t be taking you to Vegas anytime soon.

The Ugly- the Redskins

How are they the same team that went to the playoffs last year? This week it was painful watching the Skins. My dog Carlito could block better than these offensive linemen, the receivers are more of a no-show than the entire New York Knicks team, and poor RG3 looked like Brandon Rios getting beat up by Manny Pacquiao. RG3, we all know that you are a good guy and after your postgame quote of “Every day GOD gives us a chance to just wake up”, I almost want you to go A-Rod postal because you’re getting killed out there.

Ladies…there’s only one more week until playoffs, so here’s to putting our boxing gloves on in Week 13.

-The Commish