The worst sports month of the year is almost over and around the corner is nicer weather and better sports viewing options. Many of us like to play host and get the crew together to throw some back and watch the action. In theory this should be a flawless experience but that is rarely the case. There is always someone who is the Skip Bayless of the crew who causes friction and makes you second guess inviting them. Here are the five people that you don’t want at your watch party.
1. The Angry Sports Fan
Every sports watch party has one. You know the guy I’m talking about. He pounds your coffee table when his fantasy receiver drops a pass. He strings together profanity-laced rants that would make a Martin Scorsese film blush when his usually clutch point guard misses a free throw. Sometimes, he even goes so far as to finish all of the chips out of sheer anger when an ump makes a questionable call in a tight game. And you really wanted those chips! Bottom line: this guy makes other people uncomfortable when watching sports. When you’re creating that Facebook event, make sure to leave this guy off the list. You wouldn’t like him when he’s angry.
2. The Smelly One
The action on the TV isn’t the only gamey thing in the room when this guy’s at your party! You’re pretty sure his “lucky jersey” has never seen the inside of a washing machine and he usually arrives on Sundays smelling like whatever broasis he raged at last night. People invent reasons to leave the room so they can change seats when they return. By the end of the game, he is alone a three-seat couch, while others have found their way to the floor to “feel closer to the game.” Adding insult to injury, he probably didn’t even bring any snacks for the group and is getting Dorito dust all over your new West Elm couch. You immediately regret not getting leather. Why are you friends again? Distractions make focusing on sporting events difficult, and we all know any good sporting event deserves your undivided attention. Think twice before bringing this into your home.
3. The Nay-Sayer
Someone’s always gotta be a Debbie Downer. This person usually has nothing good to say about your team, even after a grand slam, a Hail Mary or a hat-trick. With two minutes to go and three timeouts, this person can be heard saying “they’ll blow it.” You ask this person to be positive, but he/she immediately scoffs at the idea. If you absolutely can’t avoid inviting this person to your watch party, you might want to consider overloading the invite with disgustingly positive people, maybe even a high school cheerleading squad, to drown out the inevitable bellyaching. Yeah, that could work.
4. The Girl in the Pink Jersey
You must have known it was coming. Although there are plausible defenses for girls who wear pink jerseys, they are thrown out the window the second the game begins and the words “Did you hear who Taylor Swift is dating now?” are uttered. Sports are sports, and Taylor Swift has no place in the discussion, even if she’s dating the QB. Actually, that was J. Simps, right? Anyway, the girls who rock pink jerseys are usually the ones who require explanations after every play. “But, why can’t they start dribbling again after they stop?” Because they can’t! Trust me, you don’t want to deal with this on your special day. When you’re creating a list of guests for your epic watch party, no pink jerseys need apply.
5. The Hater
In the immortal words of Alfred Pennyworth, “Some men just want to watch the world burn.” Some people are just haters and want your team to lose because it’s fun for them to watch you sink into a pit of despair every time your team falls to its ultimate rival. How rude! Before you invite friends over to watch your team’s game, make it abundantly clear that they are there to support your team, not the other team. If you lay down the law, hopefully you’ll avoid the haters and blissfully watch your team with your entire support system present. Hallelujah!
Executing the perfect sports shindig is an art. Hopefully these very basic guidelines of who not to invite to your sports watch parties serve you well. They have been tested with much success over the years. Happy sporting!
If you’re throwing a party for the big game, who do you want or not want in attendance? Holla at us on Twitter @BaconSports!