Ending Jeffery Loria’s reign of terror in Miami. A call for open rebellion!

By May 8, 2013June 18th, 2018No Comments

marlins-fansThis is a call to arms for all Florida Marlins players and fans (if they are any left). This is a call for change. This is a call for open rebellion.

For far too long, owner Jeffery Loria has used and abused your team, only to ship players off to the AL East once they get good. Twice now, he has tricked us all into believing he was dedicated to more than lining his own pockets, and twice has he ripped the team apart and laughed at the city, leaving his loyal fans with only a carcass of a contender and a huge bill for a new stadium. As the saying goes, “Fool us once, shame on you. Fool us twice, revolution”.

The seeds of revolution were planted on November 19th, 2012 when Loria agreed to trade every player with any talent (except Giancarlo Stanton) to the Toronto Blue Jays in exchange for some cash, a bag of balls, and a signed photo of BJ Birdie, the Blue Jays mascot. This did not go over well.

Players asked to be traded. The people of Miami asked for some of the $508.8 million back that they gave to build Marlin Stadium – since there wouldn’t be any Major League baseball by the home team anymore (except Giancarlo Stanton). Loria responded with nothing more than a maniacal laugh.

As the months passed, the seeds took root. Players clearly weren’t trying to win, and the Marlins began the 2013 season even worse than anticipated. As for the fans, they didn’t even show up when the team literally gave tickets away. Loria did nothing to fix these things; he just kept counting his money made from swindling the good people of Miami and not paying for any baseball players (except Giancarlo Stanton). He was also probably making babies cry, somehow.

As August came to a close, a pair of events finally caused the seeds of revolution to…sprout? (I’m not good with plant analogies. Things got worse, let’s put it that way).

First, Loria forced his manager to change the order of his starting pitchers in a double header in order to make things easier on his young prospect, totally screwing over Ricky Nolasco, a holdover from the offseason’s spring slaughter and the player most likely to get traded at the deadline (except Giancarlo Stanton). Loria denied his involvement, of course, but this is also the guy that told José Reyes he would never be traded (somehow Reyes didn’t think to get that in writing). He is a horrible owner who has supported horrible GMing, and then he tried to force horrible managing. The players were angry, the manager was angry, the fans were watching The Heat. Everyone agreed that this madman must be stopped. Loria just sneered as if nothing was wrong, possibly while stealing puppies from orphans.

Then, on April 29th, Giancarlo Stanton was injured and soon put on the DL. If there were any reasons for fans or players to show up to the ballpark before, there sure weren’t any more after that. The season is over. Way over. The only thing left to do, Marlins players and fans, is to rise up, and over throw Loria and his Axis of Poor Management.

We will be Loria’s reckoning. We will end his Reign of Terror on Miami baseball.

On Monday, the team won 14-2 at Philadelphia. So, if the players are lucky, it will be days before other teams forget that they can’t play baseball. It is the perfect opportunity for the players to defect from the tyranny of Marlins ownership. The team is in San Diego, which is only a short bus ride to San Francisco, Oakland, Los Angeles, and wherever “Los Angeles of Anaheim” is. In these places there are real teams and real owners that are actually trying to win. The players can take refuge within these organizations. Players that aren’t good but could be soon are Loria’s source of power, and without them he will be weakened for stage two.

In stage two, the fans will lay siege to Loria’s stronghold at Marlins Park (did you think the rich people were going to do the hard part?). They will storm left field, occupy the ‘fish tank backstop’, and knock down that stupid homerun sculpture before heading to the executive offices. No mercy will be shown. Anyone associated with the regime will be put on a raft and sent out to sea, as is the rule for mutinies (while they are at it, they should make a pitstop in Chicago, get Ozzie Guillen and set him adrift too. He can see if Fidel appreciates his admiration).

The next owner of the Marlins will then be democratically elected, by the people, from the people, and to try to win for the people. Refugee players will be able to return, and the horrors of the past will be nothing more than pages in a baseball almanac (and comedy sports websites).

Courts will be convened. Spoils will be enjoyed. Bats will be broken. We will take this team from the corrupt. The rich. The oppressors of generations who have kept us down with myths of opportunity, and we give it back to the fans. The Marlins will be yours. This great team, it will endure. The Marlins will survive.

It is time to rise!