A Letter to the Head Coach of the USC Trojans

By September 11, 2013June 18th, 2018No Comments


Dear Mr. Lane Kiffin,

If you want to understand the definition of hate,

Lose the home opener to Washington State.

Just two games in and the year’s down the drain

While the chants and the hashtags say: #FireLane.

As a former student and a current alum

I think Layla is hot and I think that you’re dumb.

Third and thirteen I’ll replay the scene

What play did you call? Bubble screen!

In fact you ran that every single play

Resulting in 54 pass yards by the end of the day.

Who the hell is our QB you can’t even choose

Honestly all you’ve done in four years is lose.

Last year for example we were ranked number one

All the talent at your fingers for a BCS run.

Barkley came back with both Woods and Lee

Three amazing receivers for Redd to run free.

Then we lost to the Bruins and then Notre Dame

You suck as a human change your first name to Lame.

We went to the Sun Bowl and finished seven and six

Running a terrible offense that made everyone sick.

You deserve to get fired or locked in a shed

Have you ever even covered a god damn spread?

My expectations for this season, yes they are low

Because as a coach and a leader Lane, you blow.

A potential year of redemption is already cursed

You turned the best team in football to one of the worst.


The Trojan Family





Eric Simon

Eric Simon

I root for all of the sickest teams/players in sports, and I have a legitimate reason for each one. I am from Tucson, AZ so I love U of A basketball. My dad is from New York so I'm a Yankees fan, and I went to USC so I'm a Trojan. I hate underdogs and anyone that would ever root for the Spurs. I would be on the Dark Side of the force and I would be in Slytherin if I went to Hogwarts. I haven't played with anyone on the golf course that can hit the ball further than me in eight years. If you're reading this, I can beat you in ping pong or chess. Also, I was given the useless gift to write poems. So, now I write sports poems.