NFL Players Least Likely to Commit Murder

By July 7, 2013June 18th, 2018No Comments

nfl-players-murderNew England Patriots Pro Bowl tight end Aaron Hernandez was arrested on charges of murder and the situation looks worse than the Lakers roster. This came as a shock to most of us and now you have to think to yourself, “wait, could my favorite player be arrested for murder?” Well if you’re a fan of these players don’t worry. These are some of the NFL players least likely to commit a murder.

Manti Te’o

If anyone ever had a right to kill anyone it was Te’o for what Ronnie Tuiasosopo did to him. Catfishing him in front of the whole world, making him the butt of endless Twitter jokes and the laughing stock of the country. No one has been played that hard since Flava Flav picked Hoopz over New York in “Flavor of Love”. Te’o hasn’t killed Tuiasosopo yet, so it is obvious that he doesn’t have murder in his tender, easily fooled heart.

Tom Brady

Any man that wears Uggs doesn’t have what it takes to murder another man, period.

Nnamdi Asomugha

Yeah, a guy who eats lunch alone in the parking lot is a red flag for a potential murderer, but other Asomugha traits cancel this out. For one, has he ever made a tackle on the football field? Eagles fans sure didn’t see him make one. The girl who played Ice Box in the Little Giants is probably a better tackler than Nnamdi. Also, Asomugha comes off as highly intelligent, and people who commit murder are usually as dumb as, well, Aaron Hernandez.

Vernon Davis

Any man that has cried because of what another grown man said to him, doesn’t have what it takes to murder another man. That’s weak sauce.

Randy Moss

Have you ever seen the guy run across the middle of a football field? His face looks more terrified than a guy on Maury that just found out the baby is his. He is too scared to murder anyone.

Dallas Cowboys players (Minus Josh Brent)

They’ve had to sit back week after week for years and watch Tony Romo blow games for them and still no one has killed him. I bet if one of them did finally snap and take out Romo, he’d be given the key to the city of Dallas and thrown a parade. Until, this finally happens, enjoy watching Romo throw big fourth quarter picks Cowboys fans, America sure does.


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