Sports

Ask a Sports Chick: discomforts of the Mile High Club, Dude Jeans, and Banging a Teacher for a Grade

By June 6, 2013 No Comments
ask-a-sports-chick-freddy

ask-a-sports-chick-freddyUnicorns do exist. They come in the form of hot girls that love sports. We’ve got a resident unicorn on the Bacon Sports team and you can ask her whatever you’d like. Really, anything. That’s why we created “Ask a Sports Chick”.

tiana-picture

Meet our unicorn, Taina. She is from Chicago and is currently battling a life-long sports addiction. She is a lover of all food and whiskey, and hater of the NFL offseason.

You can submit your “Ask a Sports Chick” questions here or you can tweet them to @TainaMolina. We’ll be doing this as a weekly piece every Thursday so we definitely want to hear what you’ve got.

 

Q: Do women (sports fan or non) get offended when someone, like myself, calls out the WNBA for what it is (a joke)? – via Mac Eldridge

A: Personally, I don’t get offended because I don’t care about the WNBA. I played basketball for eight years, and I never once was able to sit down and watch even half of a game. Or even 5 minutes of one. BUT, I don’t think the talent is a joke and I don’t think the game itself is a joke. Those women could kick all of our asses on and off the court- guaranteed. What I DO think is a joke is how it is even on the same platform as the NBA. The hype that exists for the NBA will never carry over. That is just America, or whatever.

If someone got offended by you calling it a joke, call them out. They can’t name any WNBA teams, or players, or coaches… (Lisa Leslie and Brittney Griner don’t count because we all lived in the 90s and we all have Twitter). But if the girl CAN name off some talent, they are a rare breed and you should probably consider talking to them because they are probably a Sports Chick…or just a huge feminist. RUN.

 

Q: I’m in my early 30’s and starting to see some gray hair’s sprouting. Should I go the route of Freddy Couples and be a silver fox or should I dye my hair so that I can look younger? I’d still like to be able to maximize my tapping potential.

A: Do not even think about. DON’T. Guys in their early 30s are so perfect. I love you all. You are all angels.

No, but seriously, don’t do it. You are just hitting your prime here and I genuinely mean that. If it helps, I have a basically proven theory that guys between the ages of 29-34 are getting more ass than anyone else. Don’t ask how I know this.

Chances are it will take another six years or so to even notice a difference. With all the crazy shit you have [probably] done in life so far, you have earned those grays. Wear them proudly.

 

Q: Do girls actually notice what kind of jeans or shoes that guys wear and does that stuff actually matter?

A: I’d hate to say it, but yes, it matters. A little effort never killed anyone worth it. Think of it this way, if it was the other way around and a girl kind of looked like shit you probably wouldn’t want to talk to her right? Her appearance would matter at that point in time, even if she were an awesome person. That’s how we feel about you dressing like you’re Charlie Kelly’s roommate. Can we make one rule though? No cargo shorts. Ever. Can this be a thing?

 

Q: If you had to win a Game 7 which coach (any sport) would you choose and why?

A: Gregg Popovich. I want to be biased and say Thibs is my main guy, which he is, but Pop is just a winner all around. 4x NBA Champ and coaching some of the best for 16 full NBA seasons. And with some of the wins he has had this year they have completely motivated me to believe he can out-coach anyone in the NBA ever. And his talents would also transfer to the NFL and MLB easy because NO ONE messes with Pop.

Also, he gives the BEST interviews you will ever see. Watch this:

Q: What do girls that don’t watch sports or play video games do when they hang out together at someone apartment?

A: Is it weird to know that some girls are just…normal girls? I don’t consider myself normal because of my sports addiction, but some girls really don’t give a shit. And that’s okay because they don’t have to.

But to answer your question, I don’t know. Shop? Get drunk? Talk about guys? Maybe watch Keeping up with the Kardashians or something? I’m sure some of them have other hobbies that might be of interest to you.

Most of my friends support, but do not contribute to my addiction. And when I’m around them I’m almost always intoxicated. Almost always.

 

Q: Are there really couches in the women’s restroom? Guys bathrooms have the luxuries of a penitentiary.

A: NO THERE ARE NOT. Whoever gave me the impression as a child that there would be couches in the women’s restroom as an adult is a huge asshole.

 

Q: The Mile High club seems awesome in theory but in terms of execution it is less than desirable. There’s less room in those bathrooms than the backseat of a Volkswagen. That being said it’s something that would be nice to have on the life’s resume. What’s the best way to approach this?

A: I’m so glad someone brought this up. I agree completely with what you are saying. The thought seems great, doesn’t it? You can use that on your personal resume for the REST OF YOUR LIFE–but how does this happen successfully? I’m a small girl (5’4”), and even I think it’d be impossible for me to get with someone in that ridiculous space without suffocating.

I don’t really have any suggestions for you, man. I’m looking for answers for a few years now. I think you just have to roll with the punches on this adventure. There will be a lot of bruising and it won’t be the most comfortable you’ve ever been while shagging, but it must be worth it. Good luck.

 

Q: Do you know of any girls that have slept with a teacher in order to get a grade and if so how’s that all go down? That seems like a pretty awesome tradeoff. As a dude I’d probably lay the lumber to pretty much anything if it means that I didn’t have to study or go to class.

A: Once in undergrad I heard of a girl who slept with a teacher after classes were done meeting, but before grades were due. SO BRILLIANT! It’s a grey area because technically she was no longer his student. I don’t think she did it for the grade, I think she did it because he was hot. But regardless, rumor is she got bumped up a letter grade in return. I think it is so cool. I know there are a ton of ethical issues and rules and codes of conduct and stuff, but besides that, it is one of the few times I’ve been impressed with another girl thinking of something so ridiculous and awesome before me. I wish I were friends with her.

 

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Taina Molina

Taina Molina

Taina is from Chicago and is currently battling a life-long sports addiction. She is a lover of all food and whiskey, and hater of the NFL offseason. One of her proudest moments is when she threatened to fight Paul George in a nightclub in Indianapolis. She is a firm believer in sports superstitions. In her spare time, she listens to a lot of Kanye West and watches a lot of 30 For 30.