Unicorns do exist. They come in the form of hot girls that love sports. We’ve got a resident unicorn on the Bacon Sports team and you can ask her whatever you’d like. Really, anything. That’s why we created “Ask a Sports Chick”.
Meet our unicorn, Taina. She is from Chicago and is currently battling a life-long sports addiction. She is a lover of all food and whiskey, and hater of the NFL offseason.
Q: Is it acceptable to take your wife (who went to Pitt) to the PSU v. Michigan game as her 30th bday gift? (via Boomer Graham)
A: Boomer, where do your loyalties lie? I ask because if you are a Michigan fan (I’m assuming you’re not a PSU fan because the marriage actually happened), then you would be getting something out of this. So if it’s a game you really, really want to see, just get the tickets for yourself and do something else for her birthday. I don’t think she would find it acceptable if it was her main birthday gift, but I think she’d be supportive of you wanting to go to the game. Plus, if you buy the tickets for yourself you can always bring a guy friend instead of your wife (sorry, Mrs. Boomer). Win win!
Q: Would you rather a guy bald gracefully or have him shave his head? Note: I’m not a smooth black guy like Michael Jordan that can pull off a shaved head and look better.
A: Does “going bald gracefully” mean half of your head is already bald and you’re just hanging on to dear life? If that is the case then just shave it off because you look depressing. If you’re at a Matt Schaub level, it’s fine. You can probably ride it out for a couple more years. But if you’re looking like Dustin Pedroia, you aren’t leaving much to the imagination and should probably just shave it off. Do us all a favor.
Q: Do girls have a term like “gutter slutting” when talking about guys? You know, the term for when a guy hooks up with someone who is significantly less attractive than them and looks like something you’d find in the gutter.
A: I feel like my life is a complete joke now. How have I never heard of this term? There must be a term like that for girls. Although I have NO idea what it is because I usually just say things in the most politically incorrect way so terms like these aren’t in my vocab. Let me get back to you on this…I will do some research for us all.
Q: Would you rather watch a game in a luxury suite or in the 100 level, 3rd row?
A: Out of those two options, I’d take 100 level, 3rd row. But in all reality, I prefer levels 200 and up. People are drunk and happy and grateful for their (possibly) shitty seats because it still means they get to watch their team. Last time I sat in the 100 level, it was for a Bulls vs Pacers game, and that 100 level crowd did not take the threats or “kill yourself” jokes lightly. In comparison to being in the 200 level or higher where I’ve had beers bought for me for getting into full blown arguments with opposing fans.
Q: Bringing a baseball glove to a game as a 30 year old guy. Fair or foul?
A: It’s only fair if you have a young child who you’re bringing one for/with. If not, I’m giving this one a foul. I mean, it’s not a deal breaker. And I guess it’s kind of cool that you still care that much. But some people get reallyyyy into it and that makes me nervous. Like what other sick childhood obsessions do you still have as an adult?
Q: When going out on the weekend should I tuck my shirt in and look more polished or should I leave it untucked and be a bit messy?
A: Don’t over think it. I honestly don’t remember the last time I ever looked at a guy and said, “oh man, I really wish his shirt was tucked in.” Most girls aren’t that pretentious. Just make sure it isn’t 5 sizes too big and make sure it isn’t wrinkled. Seriously though, buy an iron or a steamer. Hopefully your personality is so awesome that you won’t have to rely on your shirt being tucked in or out to seal a deal.
Q: Rank these things: chicken wings, Guinness beer, TIVO, the enjoyment of seeing Tony Romo in a 4th quarter pressure situation, Retro Jordan’s, and the movie Anchorman.
A: Chicken wings. Retro Jordan’s. Tony Romo. Anchorman. TIVO. Guinness.
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