Unicorns do exist. They come in the form of hot girls that love sports. We’ve got a resident unicorn on the Bacon Sports team and you can ask her whatever you’d like. Really, anything. That’s why we created “Ask a Sports Chick”.
Meet our unicorn, Taina. She is from Chicago and is currently battling a life-long sports addiction. She is a lover of all food and whiskey, and hater of the NFL offseason.
Q: If you were a hot sports chick like Erin Andrews or Charissa Thompson and a famous athlete such as Derek Jeter was feeding you drinks and trying to get you back to his hotel room, what would you do?
A: What would I do? If it were me it wouldn’t even get that far into the situation. Want to know why? Because I would drink too much whiskey and then I’d turn into a football stats God or talk about my love Kobe Bryant. I wouldn’t be able to take a hint on how annoying I am. He would proceed to use the restroom and then he would never come back. That’s what I would do.
If I were as awesome, hot, and talented as EA or Charissa (BTW Charissa is a GOD and I’m obsessed with her), I would go home alone. Hot chicks aside, they have amazing careers, and that’s not something you want to risk for a one night stand with a guy like Jeets who has slept with half of your coworkers and interns and most likely your sister too. I’d prefer Mike Trout anyway. Total babe. Plus, can you imagine having to talk about him afterwards on a daily basis at work? Sounds a lot like hell.
Q: Tiger Woods ex-wife, Elin Nordegren (who he “officially” cheated on her with 11 girls), reportedly hates Tiger’s new chick, Olympic gold medalist Lindsey Vonn, and everything about their relationship. Is she just mad she couldn’t tame the Tiger?
A: Tigers love pepper. They hate cinnamon.
I’ve said this before and I will say it again: I love Tiger. I think he is a mastermind and I would never hold his personal life against his reputation as a talented athlete.
In my opinion, he would’ve never been tamable if he never got caught. You can’t compare pre-Elin Tiger and post-Elin Tiger because they are basically two different people. I’m convinced the chaos helped him get his shit together.
She is probably just mad that it didn’t work out the other way around. She really wishes she could have gotten post-Elin Tiger instead. That’s all.
And don’t over think it. Girls are just catty. Surprise surprise.
Q: Who would you rather be: a manly, unattractive female who dominates their game (Abby Wambach, Britney Griner) or be an attractive female who sucks at their sport (Anna Kournikova, Danica Patrick)? Do you pick the looks or the legacy?
A: The problem with this question is that society is a huge asshole. Looks always tower over legacy in the mind of the general public because the media is so ridiculous. I would pick legacy. YOU SHOULD ALWAYS PICK LEGACY. Eventually we all end up super gross and old, and at that point we all look the same, right? I’d much rather have some kick ass stories to tell than a reputation to try and lie about.
And let’s be honest, Danica Patrick is the WORST.
Q: What do you think of these floppers in sports now a days (every soccer game, LeBron James)? Isn’t that such a turn off as a female fan?
A: Flopping is getting extremely out of hand. It’s unnecessary, hilarious, and it’s sad that we have to witness it as sports fans. Kind of like Tyler Hansbrough thinking he is a badass.
It’s not that flopping never used to happen-I remember Dennis Rodman had some of the best flops of his time. Video reference of one of my favorites:
But on a more serious note, you know it’s getting serious when David Stern is pretending to care/issuing fines. The worst part, and the part that literally PISSES ME OFF, is when some of the best players in the league flop (we are all looking at you, LeBron). It makes zero sense to me. None. None at all.
Does it piss me off? Yes, absolutely. Do I expect anything to change until suspensions start getting issued in return? No. Do I think refs need to do a better job of enforcing them? Yes.
It’s basically a cluster of madness, you guys.
Q: So when I was at the bar for the Blackhawks game my friend got bitched at for staring at this girls boobs (they were popping out of her Blackhawks shirt). Why do girls get pissed when guys stare at their boobs yet they’re the ones who purposely try to show them off?
A: This is my philosophy, if you are going to take the time out of your day to get ready in the morning and look good, people will respond. Don’t take it too personal. Or if it’s your boobs, don’t take it personal at all. Guys like boobs so much they don’t even know they are looking at them 83% of the time. And if you’re showing them off for the world to see, you cannot get crazy when people stare. I bet you had just as many girls talking about them as guys; girls are just much smoother about it because if you’re straight shit can get weird.
Think of it this way, they could be staring at any other pair of boobs at the bar, but they’re staring at YOURS. Be proud of that.
Q: What are your thoughts of sex bets between you and your boyfriend/girlfriend? Does it add a little excitement to the game or is it lame?
A: I do not have a boyfriend, therefore I have no idea WTF this is asking me. I’d Google it at work, but I don’t want to get fired. I also referenced two friends who have long-term boyfriends, and neither of them knew what this meant either. Maybe we have really boring and super dull personal lives or maybe your idea of “excitement” is really just the society standard, and turns out you are kind of sheltered… who knows?
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